


*revokes clyde's admin permissions*

by fishybowl



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Background Relationships, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, F/M, Group Chat Fic, Lots of dick jokes, M/M, absolutely terrible jokes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:13:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23563600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishybowl/pseuds/fishybowl
Summary: A large group chat is created for study purposes. It does not stay that way.
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Eric Cartman/Wendy Testaburger, Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh, Token Black/Clyde Donovan
Comments: 22
Kudos: 124





	1. the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> lmao this is VERY shitty and its my first time writing a group chat fic so tell me how i'm doing!  
> i'll probably update this again and i might include some paragraphs of the kids hanging out but it'll be mostly gc  
> but yeah. here we go

_[ Kyle Broflovski has added Stan Marsh, Kenny McCormick, Butters Stotch, Craig Tucker, Tweek Tweak, Clyde Donovan, Token Black, and Jimmy Valmer to a new group chat ]_  
_[ Kyle Broflovski has named the chat 'Study Group' ]_

**Kenny** : wtf is this lmao  
**Kenny** : actually hold on

_[Kenny McCormick has changed his name to 'mccordick' ]_

**Kyle** : well if you look at the title i'm sure you'll figure it out.

 **Stan** : get his ass

 **Kyle** : anyway, for those of you who can't read, I figured I'd make a study group for Mr. Garrison's class.

 **Kyle** : just to make project organizing a little easier.

 **mccordick** : wheres cartman tho 

**Kyle** : i've never met a 'cartman' in my life.

 **mccordick** : fair enough

 **Butters** : hey fellas! whats this?

 **Kyle** : oh my god are all of you fucking illiterate

 **mccordick** : butters, love of my life, only good thing on this earth, welcome to the gc

 **Butters** : oh! a study group!  
**Butters** : and thanks ken, you're a sweetheart

 **mccordick** : my crops? watered. my day? made

_[Butters Stotch has changed his name to 'professor chaos']_

**professor chaos** : yknow, just like old times!

 **Kyle** : please don't remind me of my superhero alter ego

 **Stan** : no this is a good idea

_[Stan Marsh has changed his name to 'toolshed']_

_[Stan Marsh has changed Kyle Broflovski's name to 'human kite']_

**mccordick** : i would join you guys if my nickname wasn't so clever

 **mccordick** : also how do i change other people's names

 **human kite** : you can't, stan is the only one with admin perms 

**toolshed** : sweet

 **human kite** : i don't trust the rest of you not to invite him

 **professor chaos** : you mean eric?

 **toolshed** : dont say his name in this holy chat

 **mccordick** : seriously where is everybody

 **mccordick** : didnt you invite a bunch of other people

 **human kite** : yeah, hopefully they'll be here soon.

_Tweek Tweak is online!_

**human kite** : speak of the devil

 **Tweek** : whatis thi s?

 **mccordick** : back from getting pounded i see

 **Tweek** : hHhh

_Craig Tucker is online!_

**Craig** : fuck off

_[Stan Marsh has changed Tweek Tweak's name to 'junkie']_

_[Stan Marsh has changed Craig Tucker's name to 'craig fucker']_

**craig fucker** : really creative joke there

 **toolshed** : thanks, i try

_Token Black is online!_

_Clyde Donovan is online!_

_Jimmy Valmer is online!_

**Jimmy Valmer** : hey guys whats up

 **toolshed** : the ceiling 

**human kite** jimmy you're my favorite person here now

 **toolshed** : >:(

 **human kite** : too bad, you need to win my favor again

_[Jimmy Valmer has changed his name to 'comedian']_

**Token Black** : what undoubtedly crazy shenanigans have I missed so far

 **Clyde Donovan** : hi token

 **comedian** : hey token

 **Token Black** : hello jimmy

 **Clyde Donovan** : ouch

_Stan Marsh has changed Clyde Donovan's name to 'rejected']_

**rejected** : thats not very nice

 **craig fucker** : shut up

 **human kite** : im starting to regret this group chat.

 **junkie** : why isnt c artmna here?

 **human kite** : because i fucking hate him

 **junkie** : same

 **craig fucker** : same

 **toolshed** : same

 **professor chaos** : well hey guys, i didnt notice more people had joined

 **toolshed** : goddammit butters you broke the chain

_[Stan Marsh has changed Professor Chaos's name to 'lame']_

**lame** : aw, dangit

 **Token Black** : hey, why don't I get a cool name

_[Stan Marsh has changed Token Black's name to 'rich kid']_

**rich kid** : not very creative honestly

 **toolshed** : well what did you expect

 **rich kid** : fair

 **human kite** : as a reminder, before anyone asks again, this is for school projects generally.

 **human kite** : so if one of you forgets what the homework is one of us can tell you

 **craig fucker** : i dont do the homework normally so can i leave

 **rejected** : ^

 **toolshed** : no

 **craig fucker** : but whats stopping me

_[craig fucker has left the chat]_

_[toolshed has added craig fucker to the chat]_

_[craig fucker has left the chat]_

_[toolshed has added craig fucker to the chat]_

**craig fucker** : i hate you all

 **junkie** : alL of us?

 **craig fucker** : no tweek you're perfect as usual

 **junkie** : <3

 **toolshed** : gay

 **mccordick** : didnt you have your dick up kyle's ass like an hour ago

 **toolshed** : seriously why does everyone think that

 **toolshed** : we're just super best friends

 **craig fucker** : boyfriends is a less gay term than super best friends

 **mccordick** : true

 **mccordick** : butt buddies is a less gay term than super best friends

 **toolshed** : kenny i thought you had my back on this

 **mccordick** : sorry dude i'm joining craig

 **junkie** : but we don't want you here

 **rich kid** : sorry mccordick

 **mccordick** : this is so sad

_PRIVATE CHAT BETWEEN KENNY MCCORMICK AND KYLE BROFLOVSKI_

**Kyle** : ouch

 **Kenny:** : stan is the dumb of ass, its not your fault

 **Kyle** : dude he's very clearly straight why am i even doing this

 **Kenny** : remember that mormon kid from when we were kids

 **Kyle** : yeah?

 **Kenny** : stan had the biggest crush on that kid, there's no way he only jerks it to girls

 **Kyle** : can you ask him

 **Kyle** : just to make sure

 **Kenny** : if i ask him he's going to think i'm hitting on him smh

 **Kyle** : everyone knows you want to fuck butters, i doubt that 

**Kenny** : dickhead

 **Kyle** : asshole

 **Kyle** : i love you, you're the best 

**Kenny** : sigh

_PRIVATE CHAT BETWEEN KENNY MCCORMICK AND STAN MARSH_

**Kenny** : hey stan are you straight

 **Stan** : why do you need to know that

 **Kenny** : just trust me and tell me

 **Kenny** : it's not for my benefit

 **Stan** : wait who's it for then

 **Kenny** : that's confidential information

 **Kenny** : if i say it i'll die

 **Kenny** : again haha

 **Stan** : wait what

 **Kenny** : nevermind

 **Kenny** : just tell me

 **Stan** : well i dont really know

 **Stan** : thats kind of the hard part lmao

 **Stan** : i dont know whether i like this guy or not

 **Kenny** : wait who

 **Stan** : im not sure yet 

**Stan** : so i'm not going to say

 **Kenny** : fine fine 

**Kenny** : but the consensus is that you are likely not straight

 **Stan** : yeah

 **Kenny** : alright great this has been an enlightening conversation

 **Kenny** : i must go report my findings

 **Stan** : see ya dude

_PRIVATE CHAT BETWEEN KENNY MCCORMICK AND KYLE BROFLOVSKI_

**Kenny** : the results are in

 **Kenny** : the diagnosis is: not a heterosexual

 **Kyle** : wait seriously?

 **Kenny** : yeah he's not really sure but he's crushing on a guy apparently

 **Kyle** : oh shit oh fuck who do you think it is

 **Kenny** : probably you tbh if i had to guess

 **Kenny** : i asked him about it but he said he wasn't really sure so he wanted to wait before telling me

 **Kyle** : alright that makes sense. god im so stressed

 **Kenny** : dont worry about it man, i'm sure he'll come around

 **Kenny** : give him time

 **Kyle** : yeah i know, i can wait for him

_STUDY GROUP:_

**rejected** : all i'm saying is that since popcorn has seeds, that makes it a fruit

 **craig fucker** : that makes literally no sense

 **junkie** : i dont think youknow what a fruit is

 **comedian** : i mean lets hear him out

 **rejected** : kernels are the seeds of corn, and popcorn flowers from corn

 **rejected** : therefore making it a fruit

 **rich kid** : i fucking hate that it kinda makes sense

 **craig fucker** : token don't do this

 **human kite** : what did i come back to


	2. Chapter 2

_Stan Marsh is online!_

**toolshed** : hey gang whats up

 **craig fucker** : its two am what the fuck

 **craig fucker** : go to sleep

 **toolshed** : but you're also awake

 **toolshed** : gottem

 **craig fucker** : i have business to take care of

 **toolshed** : i'm honestly not sure whether you're referring to masturbation or murder

 **toolshed** : and i don't want to find out

 **junkie** : wHy are you two awake?

 **craig fucker** : go to sleep honey, it's late

 **junkie** : you go to sleep

 **toolshed** : well, he's got you there craig

 **rich kid** : isn't it a little late for socialization

 **comedian** : it's never too late to talk with your friends!

 **craig fucker** : goddammit all of you go to sleep

 **toolshed** : no i didn't do the homework

 **craig fucker** : why is that our business

 **mccordick** : because this is a study group headass

 **lame** : hi kenny!

 **mccordick** : stan change butters's name

 **toolshed** : so who has the homework

 **toolshed** : its the one with the words

 **craig fucker** : oh! the one with the words? the one with words from the english lexicon? i got you

 **toolshed** : oh fuck off

 **lame** : if it's the latin roots one i think i have it!

 **toolshed** : thank god, send me a pic and i'll print it

 **junkie** : why don't you have it?

 **toolshed** : i vomited all over it

 **toolshed** : long story, no time to explain

 **mccordick** : wym no time to explain it's only 2:10

 **toolshed** : dude i need to study latin roots i know jack shit about all of this

 **human kite** : imagine not already knowing them

 **mccordick** : since when was kyle awake

 **human kite** : you fool. you imbecile. i've been awake this whole time

 **junkie** : no sleep gang

 **human kite** : no sleep gang

 **rich kid** : that doesn't seem healthy

 **mccordick** : i'm here for a good time, not a long time

 **human kite** : ^

 **craig fucker** : tweek go to bed 

**craig fucker** : coffee isn't a good sleep substitute

 **toolshed** : isn't that literally the point of coffee though

 **craig fucker** : dont talk to me

 **rich kid** : did one of you tell cartman to dm me

 **rich kid** : because he's dming me about this gc

 **human kite** : alright which one of you fuckers spilled the beans

 **craig fucker** : wasn't me

 **rejected** : it may have possibly been me

 **human kite** : clyde what the fuck

 **human kite** : just when i was about to start accusing butters

 **rejected** : well i didn't do it on purpose

 **rejected** : he looked over at my phone yesterday while you guys were talking

 **human kite** : ugh alright

 **human kite** : now he's dming me

 **human kite** : give me a sec

_PRIVATE CHAT BETWEEN KYLE BROFLOVSKI AND ERIC CARTMAN_

**Eric** : KYLE

 **Eric** : KYYLLLLEEEE

 **Kyle** : die

 **Eric** : heard you have a secret group chat without me

 **Eric** : invite me to it

 **Kyle** : literally why would i do that

 **Eric** : because i know one of your seeecreeeets kyle

 **Kyle** : bullshit

 **Kyle** : what do you know

 **Eric** : that a certain someone has a crush on a certain someone

 **Kyle** : wait what?

 **Eric** : i said what i said

 **Eric** : you like someone and i know who it is

 **Kyle** : who is it then

 **Eric** : the hippie

 **Eric** : you're in love with stan

 **Kyle** : no i'm not lmao

 **Kyle** : since when

 **Eric** : so you wouldn't mind if i told him then

 **Eric** : that you have a crush on him

 **Kyle** fuck 

_PRIVATE CHAT BETWEEN KENNY MCCORMICK AND KYLE BROFLOVSKI_

**Kyle** : DUDE

 **Kyle** : KENNY ANSWER ME

 **Kenny** : what's going on

 **Kyle** : cartman knows about me and stan

 **Kyle** : he's threatening to tell him if we don't put him in the gc

 **Kenny** : shit

 **Kenny** : so what are you going to do about it

 **Kyle** : i could let him in but everyone would be pissed and i would have to explain, plus he'd probably tell stan even if i did let him in

 **Kyle** : i could tell stan myself or just tell him not to listen to what cartman says

 **Kenny** : how confident are you that he likes you back

 **Kenny** : out of 100, with 100 being he's breaking through your window as we speak to have crazy buttsex with you

 **Kyle** : a 25, maybe?

 **Kenny** : i mean what's the worst that could happen

 **Kyle** : he hates me and we never speak again

 **Kenny** : you're right that isn't the best outcome lmao

 **Kenny** : you could just ignore him

 **Kenny** : he might pussy out and just not tell him

 **Kyle** : fuck alright i just won't do anything

 **Kyle** : but i'm blaming you if this all goes south

 **Kenny** : that's not fair dude 

_STUDY GROUP_ : 

**human kite** : i return

 **toolshed** : so what happened?

 **human kite** : he asked to be invited, i said no, that's about it

 **toolshed** : seems weird he'd just give up like that

 **toolshed** : i hope he doesn't have some tricks up his sleeve

 **human kite** : yeah me too

 **human kite** : anyway did you get the latin roots done

 **toolshed** : yeah i'm working on it

 **human kite** : has everyone else gone offline

 **rich kid** : no we're still here

 **rich kid** : watching stan try to remember what capit means

 **craig fucker** : come on stan

 **craig fucker** : think about what wendy's giving cartman right now

 **human kite** : oh sick

 **toolshed** : fuck you guys im looking it up

 **mccordick** : rip

 **toolshed** : WEAK DUDE

 **toolshed** : GROSS

 **craig tucker** : you can't hide from the truth forever

 **rejected** : lmao that does suck though

 **rejected** : getting ditched for cartman is really sad 

**toolshed** : go back to jerking off clyde shut up

 **rich kid** : rejected, again

 **toolshed** : he deserved it

_PRIVATE CHAT BETWEEN ERIC CARTMAN AND KYLE BROFLOVSKI_

**Eric** : kyle i don't see an invite to the chat

 **Eric** : don't make me wait too long, kyle

 **Eric** : i'm getting impatient

 **Kyle** : I'm not going to send you the fucking invite.

 **Kyle** : I don't care what you do to me.

 **Kyle** : Now leave me the fuck alone.

_Kyle Broflovski has blocked Eric Cartman!_

_STUDY GROUP_ :

 **toolshed** : alright i'm done with the work

 **toolshed** : now i can finally go to bed

 **toolshed** : goodnight everyone, rot in a hole craig

 **craig fucker** : you too

 **human kite** : night stan

 **human kite** : sweet dreams


	3. Chapter 3

_PRIVATE CHAT BETWEEN ERIC CARTMAN AND STAN MARSH_

**Eric** : i have some information that you might want to hear

 **Stan** : goddammit dude its 4 am

 **Stan** : i should be asleep

 **Eric** : not my problem hippie

 **Eric** : so do you want to hear it or not

 **Eric** : its about jew boy

 **Stan** : can you at least use his actual name jesus christ

 **Stan** : and fine

 **Eric** : kahl wants your dick 

**Stan** : what

 **Eric** : the jew boy likes you 

**Eric** : probably gets a raging one every time you touch him

 **Eric** : sure you want a best friend who jerks off to you

 **Stan** : you're lying

 **Stan** : there's no way

 **Eric** : ask him if you want

 **Eric** : but i wouldn't get too close to him if i were you

 **Eric** : who knows what he'll do

 **Stan** : god can you stop fucking acting like kyle's going to jump me

 **Stan** : he's a good person and you're just being an asshole

 **Stan** : i'm going to bed

 **Eric** : you should ask him anyway

 **Eric** : if you think i'm lying

 **Eric** : stan?

_PRIVATE CHAT BETWEEN STAN MARSH AND KYLE BROFLOVSKI_

**Stan** : hey cartman dmed me earlier

 **Stan** : he said that you liked me 

**Stan** : it's probably bs because cartman is a big fat fucking liar

 **Stan** : but if it isnt

 **Stan** : please talk to me

_STUDY GROUP:_ :

 **toolshed** : yo has anyone seen kyle today

 **mccordick** : no

 **mccordick** : he's in first period gym with me but i don't see him

 **toolshed** : fuck

 **craig fucker** : i haven't seen him either

 **rejected** : yeah same

 **toolshed** : fuck where is he 

**craig fucker** : he could just be sick

 **toolshed** : no you don't understand

 **toolshed** : this is important

 **toolshed** : i really need to talk to him

 **mccordick** : dm me 

_PRIVATE CHAT BETWEEN KENNY MCCORMICK AND STAN MARSH_

**Kenny** : so whats up

 **Stan** : cartman told me that kyle likes me and he hasn't responded to any of my dms

 **Stan** : he also isn't at school

 **Stan** : i think he's avoiding me

 **Kenny** : no shit he's avoiding you

 **Kenny** : hold on i'm going to try and talk to him

_PRIVATE CHAT BETWEEN KENNY MCCORMICK AND KYLE BROFLOVSKI_

**Kenny** : kyle why aren't you at school

 **Kyle** : my life is over

 **Kenny** : lmao what 

**Kyle** : stan knows and now i can never look at him ever again

 **Kenny** : why

 **Kenny** : did he reject you or something

 **Kyle** : No, but he likely just doesn't like me

 **Kyle** : I don't want him to stop being friends with me

 **Kenny** : so to confirm: he didn't reject you

 **Kenny** : you're just avoiding him anyway

 **Kyle** : well, it sounds bad when you put it that way

 **Kenny** : you are the dumbest bitch ever for someone so smart

 **Kenny** : hold on

_PRIVATE CHAT BETWEEN KENNY MCCORMICK AND STAN MARSH_

**Kenny** : yeah he's avoiding you

 **Stan** : what why

 **Kenny** : he thinks that you hate him now

 **Stan** : dude i could never hate him

 **Kenny** : go talk to him then

 **Stan** : i'm in school I can't do that

 **Kenny** : which is more important to you

 **Kenny** : a latin test, which you can retake

 **Kenny** : or your best friend of nine years

 **Stan** : fuck, fine

 **Stan** : i'm going to go talk to him

 **Kenny** : atta boy

 **Stan** : since when are you the love expert

 **Kenny** : i have been forever

 **Kenny** : this is just the first time you're taking me seriously

 **Stan** : fair enough

_STUDY GROUP:_

**junkie** : did i just see stan d itch school?

 **craig fucker** : lmao really

 **mccordick** : yeah he just dipped to go see kyle

 **craig fucker** : wow

 **craig fucker** : he's going to miss the latin test

 **mccordick** : can you tell mr garrison that he'll retake it tomorrow

 **craig fucker** : how do i always get myself into these things

 **craig fucker** : sure whatever

 **craig fucker** : wait why can't you do it

 **mccordick** : cause im also skipping lol

 **mccordick** : butters got grounded again

 **mccordick** : so i'm going to go see him

 **junkie** : s hould we te ll him you'll re take it tomorrow then too?

 **mccordick** : nah lmao i'm not going to college anyway

 **mccordick** : don't care about my grades

 **craig fucker** : you are so stupid

 **junkie** : we're telling him anyway

 **junkie** : start studying

 **mccordick** : lame

_PRIVATE CHAT BETWEEN STAN MARSH AND KYLE BROFLOVSKI_

**Stan** : dude i'm coming over 

**Stan** : unlock the door

_PRIVATE CHAT BETWEEN KENNY MCCORMICK AND STAN MARSH_

**Kenny** : so what happened

 **Kenny** : its been two hours dude

 **Stan** : oh yeah 

**Stan** : he's sleeping right now

 **Stan** : img_10-4-20

_Image Transcript: Stan is laying in bed, smiling at the camera. Kyle is asleep next to him, his head on Stan's shoulder._

**Kenny** : oh dude thats so cute

 **Kenny** : i need details immediately

 **Stan** : so at first kyle wouldn't let me into his room but when he did he confessed

 **Stan** : and he was crying so i started crying too

 **Stan** : and i told him that i liked him too

 **Kenny** : DUDE

 **Kenny** : WAS HE THE GUY THAT YOU LIKED

 **Stan** : SHHH

 **Stan** : so then we talked about our feelings which was gay

 **Stan** : and then we hooked up

 **Kenny** : so talking about your feelings was gay and then you had gay sex

 **Stan** : correct

_PRIVATE CHAT BETWEEN KENNY MCCORMICK AND KYLE BROFLOVSKI_

 **Kenny** : so i was right

 **Kyle** : shut up

_STUDY GROUP_ :

 **human kite** : i'm back

 **human kite** : i know you guys missed me

 **craig fucker** : we didn't actually

 **comedian** : we're glad you're back kyle!

 **human kite** : again, jimmy is my second favorite here

 **rejected** : why did he drop a spot

 **toolshed** : eye emoji

 **craig fucker** : did you just type eye emoji

 **human kite** : eye emoji

 **comedian** : oh my god did it finally happen

 **human kite** : i have no idea what you're talking about.

 **rich kid** : so it was today right

 **human kite** : again, no idea

 **rich kid** : clyde remember how much money you bet

 **rejected** : you are loaded why do you need my money

 **rich kid** : it's the principle of the thing.


	4. Chapter 4

_GROUP CHAT WITHOUT CLYDE_

**rich kid** : alright guys

**toolshed** : why did you make this

**toolshed** : and what is it

**craig fucker** : read the title dipshit

**craig fucker** : its a group chat without clyde

**rich kid** : i made this so we can talk about clyde's birthday

**toolshed** : clyde's what now

**rich kid** : his birthday is today but his party is next week

**rich kid** : i wanted to make sure that nobody gets him the same present

**toolshed** : his birthday is today???

**craig fucker** : don't tell me you forgot about clyde's birthday

**toolshed** : i forgot about clyde's birthday

**craig fucker** : god you're so fucking stupid

**junkie** : i got him a card for a month of free pa stries from the coffee shop

**craig fucker** : i got him one of those flying drones that he said he wanted

**craig fucker** : he'll definitely use it for unsavory things but idc he wanted it

**rich kid** : i'm paying for all the caterers and music at his party plus i got him some new headphones

**toolshed** : jesus that's a lot of money to spend on clyde

**rich kid** : that's interesting, but have you ever considered this:

**rich kid** : I do what I want

**human kite** : i bought him the new star wars game

**human kite** : i heard he's been getting into it because of kevin

**mccordick** : and i will be signing my name on token's gift

**rich kid** : i never agreed to that 

**mccordick** : fine then i'll just buy him one of those cheesy terrance and phillip shirts

**toolshed** : fuck 

**toolshed** : what does clyde even like

**rich kid** : food, video games, and tv

**craig fucker** : he is literally a walking stereotype for someone our age

**toolshed** : so i still have a week to figure something out

**toolshed** : great

**toolshed** : this will be fine

_STUDY GROUP:_

**craig fucker** : Greetings Clyde.

**craig fucker** : We weren't doing anything suspicious at all.

**rejected** : suspicious

**craig fucker** : no its not

**rejected** : also i wanted to invite you guys to my birthday party

**rejected** : despite the fact that all of you are dicks to me all the time

**toolshed** : sounds fake but ok

**rejected** : its next week on tuesday

**rejected** : we're gonna have tacos and everything

**craig fucker** : is tacos your only requirement for a good birthday party

**rejected** : obviously

**craig fucker** : of course, how could i have been so foolish

**mccordick** : so are we just going to ignore the fact that stan and kyle fucked

**human kite** i had hoped we were going to

**craig fucker** : i had also hoped i wouldn't have to hear about that

**junkie** : i think it's sweet

**craig fucker** : kenny not everyone wants to hear the intimate details of stan and kyle's sex life like you do

**rich kid** : i got my money from it so idc

**rejected** : i had my money taken from me because of it so i'm pissed

**rejected** : couldn't you guys have waited

**toolshed** : until when

**rejected** : until i had the chance to kill token

**rich kid** : after everything i do for you... betrayed

**rich kid** : plus you've had plenty of time to kill me 

**craig fucker** : incompetent clyde smh

**craig fucker** : just give me twenty dollars and a spoon and token is fucked

**rich kid** : i have to say i'm a little scared

**craig fucker** : you should be

**mccordick** : so we aren't getting any details 

**mccordick** : fine then

**lame** : stan and kyle! i'm so happy for you!

**toolshed** : oh man i forgot butters existed for a second there

**toolshed** : thanks man

**mccordick** : how could you ever forget about butters

**lame** : you missed out on a lot of stuff today though fellas!

**mccordick** : oh right lmao

**mccordick** : cartman and scott malkinson threw hands

**toolshed** : who won

**mccordick** : malkinson obviously

**mccordick** : this mf took his shirt off and beat cartman into the dirt

**human kite** : why did he need to take his shirt off

**mccordick** : why does malkinson do anything he does

**human kite** : true

**toolshed** : i honestly feel like we should invite him just because of that

**toolshed** : he's an honorary member of the hating cartman gang

_Stan Marsh has changed the chat's name to 'cartman haters']_

**human kite** : alright i'm inviting malkinson to the chat

_[Kyle has invited Scott Malkinson to the chat!]_

**craig fucker** : oh its diabetes kid

**craig fucker** : i forgot his name for a while

**Scott Malkinson** : well hey guys

**human kite** : it feels really weird to talk to you without hearing the lisp

_[Scott Malkinson has changed his name to 'diabeetus']_

**diabeetus** : whats up here?

**toolshed** : we heard you beat up cartman today

**toolshed** : and that's fuckin cool

**toolshed** : so you're here now

**diabeetus** : great!

**craig fucker** : was cartman tough?

**diabeetus** : no - it was actually kind of sad

**diabeetus** : how not-tough he was

**human kite** : lmao what a jackass

**human kite** : how'd you end up fighting him anyway

**diabeetus** : he came to school really pissed off

**diabeetus** : and he made fun of my lisp then tried to punch me

**diabeetus** : so i let him have it

**craig fucker** : suddenly you're way more likable

**diabeetus** : i dont even know why he was so mad anyway

**diabeetus** : but he was looking for a fight

**mccordick** : stan and kyle are fucking now 

**mccordick** : when he was trying to make stan hate kyle

**mccordick** : so that pissed him off

**diabeetus** : that makes sense

**human kite** : wait did you tell cartman

**mccordick** :yeah lmao right after stan told me

**human kite** : aw man i'm going to get it tomorrow

**diabeetus** : don't worry! captain diabetes will protect you!

**human kite** : cartman is so fucked

_PRIVATE CHAT BETWEEN KENNY MCCORMICK AND KYLE BROFLOVSKI_

**Kenny** : so really how was it

**Kenny** : was it everything you had hoped for

**Kyle** : goddammit stop trying to get me to talk about my sex life

**Kenny** : your sex life consists of one instance, don't oversell it

**Kenny** : and that instance was today

**Kenny** : tell me or i won't shut up about it

**Kyle** : my worst nightmare: kenny talking

**Kyle** : it was good though; he was really sweet about it

**Kyle** : he spent like an hour prepping me which was kind of annoying but also cute

**Kenny** : thats sweet

**Kenny** : now you're legally obligated to help me get butters

**Kenny** : because i helped you get stan

**Kyle** : i don't think that's how it works

**Kenny** : yes it is 

**Kenny** : you signed a contract

**Kyle** : i remember no such thing

**Kenny** : if you don't help me i'll tell everyone you're a bottom

**Kyle** : as if they don't know that by looking at me

**Kenny** : fuck

**Kenny** : if you don't help me i'll cry

**Kyle** : that's a mean trick kenny mccormick

**Kenny** : nice that rhymed

**Kenny** : seriously though help me i used my only brain cell helping you out

**Kyle** : fine

**Kyle** : i'll talk to butters later

**Kenny** : thanks kyle <3

**Kyle** : cease

**Author's Note:**

> if you got confused, here are the names so far:
> 
> human kite - kyle  
> toolshed - stan  
> mccordick - kenny  
> professor chaos/lame - butters  
> craig fucker - craig  
> junkie - tweek  
> rejected - clyde  
> rich kid - token  
> comedian - jimmy
> 
> GENERAL NOTE:  
> i will be taking a minor break from this fic! i have another normal-formatted fic that i've been writing + two updates every day is burning me out ^^  
> i will be back, but it might be a week or so. thank you for understanding!


End file.
